Some things just don't change
Days, weeks, moths have passed... and no posts from me. Generally busy, mostly nothing to say.
Now, back on another vacation in my favorite "hang out", too many familiar things are happening...
As a frequent reader of this blog (ha, ha), you might remember my goodbyes to a certain person?!? And back then I really ment them!
And now???
I saw him again, unplanned, and all old feelings are back. I HATE THIS!!!
How this could happen, you ask? I'll give you a short introduction:
During my visit here in good old Minnesota my sister had to go into the hospital. After her surgery noone felt it would be a good idea for her to return to a house full of children, foreign exchange student and family visitors. As our beloved mom was here for a visit in her own house, it was decided my sister should go there for recovery. Who took her? I did. Not knowning what, better who would be crossing my path once again. So we just arrived and it was proclaimed that we (my son and me) would stay for dinner. No problem. Until... I heard that there was another dinner guest to be expected. Of course, at that point I could hardly say I am leaving. So I had to stay. See HIM again... why, why, why???
So we had dinner. I was very cool and reserved. I did a wonderful job of not letting anyone know what my inside felt like (a caterpillar and butterflies having a party). When dinner was over it was, thankfully, time for me to head back. (I really needed to get out of the house!)
On my drive home I could not keep my mind off of him. And basically not since then.
It sucks! And I hate myself for this! Why, after 17 years, is he still able to make me feel like a goddamn' teen? Since that day he appears in my dreams, day and night. I can not stop thinking. Analyzing my dreams... but not getting anywhere.
I should call him. So we could talk. But I am even too nervous to do that (plus the fact that noone is answering the phone. Except the answering machine. To which I do not want to talk).
Anybody know a good psychiatrist?
Now, back on another vacation in my favorite "hang out", too many familiar things are happening...
As a frequent reader of this blog (ha, ha), you might remember my goodbyes to a certain person?!? And back then I really ment them!
And now???
I saw him again, unplanned, and all old feelings are back. I HATE THIS!!!
How this could happen, you ask? I'll give you a short introduction:
During my visit here in good old Minnesota my sister had to go into the hospital. After her surgery noone felt it would be a good idea for her to return to a house full of children, foreign exchange student and family visitors. As our beloved mom was here for a visit in her own house, it was decided my sister should go there for recovery. Who took her? I did. Not knowning what, better who would be crossing my path once again. So we just arrived and it was proclaimed that we (my son and me) would stay for dinner. No problem. Until... I heard that there was another dinner guest to be expected. Of course, at that point I could hardly say I am leaving. So I had to stay. See HIM again... why, why, why???
So we had dinner. I was very cool and reserved. I did a wonderful job of not letting anyone know what my inside felt like (a caterpillar and butterflies having a party). When dinner was over it was, thankfully, time for me to head back. (I really needed to get out of the house!)
On my drive home I could not keep my mind off of him. And basically not since then.
It sucks! And I hate myself for this! Why, after 17 years, is he still able to make me feel like a goddamn' teen? Since that day he appears in my dreams, day and night. I can not stop thinking. Analyzing my dreams... but not getting anywhere.
I should call him. So we could talk. But I am even too nervous to do that (plus the fact that noone is answering the phone. Except the answering machine. To which I do not want to talk).
Anybody know a good psychiatrist?
posted by kleineHelden at 4:51 AM
5 reasuring comments
